Hi everybody my name is Gina and I want to thank you for tuning in today today’s topic may hit home for some of you I know that for me it’s something that I struggled with personally for many many years and it impacted my life in many different ways and one of the most notable ways that I realized it.
Was having a huge impact on my life is in my selection of men I’m what I like to call a recovered worry addict and I used to only pick men that made me worry and maybe.
That sounds familiar to some of you from the onset of almost every relationship that I’ve had they were based on.
What I like to call a negative attraction meaning that from.
The get-go I was only attracted to men for negative reasons I would instantly seek out the one guy in the room that I knew was.
Either off balance in his life was most likely somebody that was a cheater that was gonna be dishonest and distrustful and it’s almost as if I had a radar to.
This guy even if the room had been full of a hundred great guys and one not-so-great guy that was the guy that I was always going to choose and.
It’s not because I liked the bad guy and it’s not because I lacked self security or I didn’t want to be happy which are all terms that people want to attach to why women choose these type of men in my.
Opinion the reason I chose these men is because I was a worry addict I had been taught to be addicted to worry from a very early age in life and so.
I would go and seek out men in my life that would continue this addiction continue.
Need to be worried and to keep me in a toxic cycle of worry it was an absolutely exhausting way to live I never was at.
Peace the relationship was always turbulent and it would take years sometimes to finally rip myself away from the relationship just like somebody who wants to rid themselves.
Of a drug addiction in their life and it was painful from the time that I was 18 and I was basically unleashed into the world as an adult I started choosing men that had a shroud of mystery around their status whether they were separated maybe married maybe had a girlfriend it’s almost as if I never knew exactly what their status was and so that meant I was never going to be comfortable in.
The relationship and I never really felt like I knew what was going on every day was a grand mystery every day kept me wondering but also every day kept me worrying and.
So one relationship after the other I continued this cycle through my life almost as if each relationship being more extreme than the one that I had just left similar to drug addiction where you have to keep elevating the levels of drugs that you take in order to achieve the same high because with worry addiction what happens.
Is your body is constantly full of adrenaline you have elevated levels of adrenaline when you’re in a constant state of worry so essentially what’s happening is your body has become addicted to this sensation of a heightened adrenaline state and with every heightened adrenaline state eventually you’re going to need to have an adrenaline rush.
And so in order to create that adrenaline rush you have to do something in your relationships so extreme that the tension and the build-up and the eternal and that’s just sitting there has what I.
Call a euphoric release and is.
Explosive and the relationship has these explosive moments and then you start this cycle all over it’s a cycle that I have come to know as the weight worry release cycle where you start off waiting in a state of worry and you stay in your state of worry until your body.
Just can’t take it anymore and then something explosive happens and you release the adrenaline and unless you’re in a relationship that’s living in a constant state of worry you’re never going to be able to find a way to release it so if you’re in a relationship with somebody from the onset that is living in a shroud of mystery that is cheating on you or their life is extremely off-balance and the burden of the relationship falls on you you live.
In that state of worry and you wait until you have an opportunity to release it and when you’re in one of these relationships inevitably there will be an opportunity to release it because something will happen that will create an explosion the two of you will explode and then the following day you’ll feel euphoric you’ll feel like oh I’ll never do it again.
I promise it’s fine you go through the same cycle as an addict would you make all of the same promises that it won’t happen again but both of you knowing it will because you know that your partner is probably gonna lie.
To you again it’s gonna cheat on you again it’s going to engage in sneaky behavior and it’s gonna allow you to once again explode and so.
You’re gonna repeat the weight worry release cycle over and over and that’s why I call worry and addiction because the cycle of worry addiction is a very similar to the cycle of any other type of chemical addiction and abuse of that chemical and so the only way that.
I was really able to get a grasp and an.
Understanding of why I was repeating these cycles over and over and why I kept.
Choosing these men that were making me worry and why I only wanted a.
Relationship that was based on a negative attraction because when you’re attracted to a man or a partner because.
Of a negative reason then in my mind you have what I call a relationship base in a negative attraction and the reason that I kept repeating this horror story over and over in my life is because from a very early.
Age I became addicted to worry and addicted to adrenaline I grew up in a household that was very uncertain that was full of violence and chaos and uncertainty and.
So what that did to me is from the very beginning stages of my life I constantly lived in a.
State of worry and wondering what was going to happen next and how do I respond and what do I do and how do I save myself and how do I get through this moment alive.
And so I never knew any other way to live that was it so when I went to choose my own men and to choose my own path in life I continued the momentum.
That had been created when I was really young and so I only knew how to seek out men that were dangerous men that were liars men that were cheaters and in many other.
Areas of my life I also continued to seek out situations that made me worry that were dangerous that got some of my friends killed that you know put some of my friends behind bars and in.
Many other instances of you know dangerous situations but also what was interesting is that in the same way that it created bad situations for me it also helped me find jobs that were based in the energy of worry as well and in those areas of my life I excelled and I had become a very successful producer and then from there a very successful real estate broker because those.
Jobs are also based in a worried energy where you’re having to worry about what happens next and so it was interesting that in some of my life I was suffering and struggling in such tremendous ways and then in some of my life I was succeeding in.
Such ways that no one really stopped to question the other side which was the personal side the relationship side because what you also saw was a woman that was breaking through glass ceilings if you will and becoming very successful in other parts of her life but for me I wanted something different I wanted.
To feel successful in the personal part of my life and I didn’t want to feel chaotic and I didn’t want to feel turbulent.
And I could never put my finger on what it was because you know you go to certain people your friends your family professionals and they tell you oh you.
Or you know you just need to boost your self-esteem you know send positive thoughts to yourself and none of that really resonated with me it never really made any sense because.
As I had said I never really felt that those were my issues but I also didn’t know what my issues were and so I started doing some internet searches on you know anxiety and even then anxiety to me feels like the end result of a massive.
Catastrophe of worry sort of imploding in on itself creating this anxious feeling so to me anxiety is the end result and so I did to know how.
Led up to the moment that I was feeling anxious and so I could never really put my finger on what that was and through some of my internet searches on trying to figure out how to cure this if you will I came across articles that would say distract yourself and I’m thinking how do I distract myself you know one instance was go to the movies well if I go.
To the movies when you’re an over a warrior and over-thinker worried addict no matter where you are you’re gonna be worried and as the old adage goes wherever you go there you are so here I am.
With my worry now at the movies and I’m wondering what the movie is gonna be.
About and if there’s going to.
Be anything in the movie that’s gonna make me worry even more so that was absolutely no solution for me at all and so I just kept doing more and more research.
Trying to figure out what to do I’d find an article that would say take a walk but when even when you’re.
Walking you’re still wondering what could happen to you so none of these solutions were viable to me because they didn’t address the real issue of a heightened adrenaline state and until I figured out how to lower my adrenaline state I could not change any other part of my life and I realized how badly I had fallen into.